let me look back into my pastthe year 2004.i should think this year is one of my most troubling, yet enlightening year in my whole life. Never in my life have i changed so much, with so many different hybrids of characters all rolled into a million changes, minor or major. I can still remember the first day of school. The orientation. How i was feeling so alienated, an guy insecure about his looks. I was one of the few swiss cottage people in ACJC. But i didnt know the rest of the people. So i was alone. I can still remember how sad i was, lonely, and trying so hard to fit in. I was telling myself, minghao, change. change. talk more. open up. But nooo, minghao just had to again wallow inside his own turmoil, while trying hard to make friends. I seemed to lack self-confidence. Things didnt turn much better soon after. I wasnt part of the class. i couldnt fit in well, especially with the guys. I tried so hard, dependent on company, but all i got was superficiality. So i immersed myself in homework. Which worked. Then slowly, i began to open up. The class was great. I had the most fun in my life. The class chalet, the teasing, fun-o-rama. Everything. But then, the terms came. And yea, that was when i met with my worst depression ever. From that breakup. My terms suffered. And we didnt speak anymore. But life still went on. I could feel myself changing. Everything. I was slowly becoming more rebellious than ever. My words were becoming more vulgar. And everything was heading the wrong way. The year went on with plenty of changes. I became less hardworking, hating studies. Hating science, hating everything. Arts slowly became my passion. I took up drawing then. To date, the only nice thing i drew was this set of paintburshes and ink bottles against a cloth background. Myabe the apple was nice too. Anyways, my results soon degaded to something very bad. I just didnt want to study. I made my clique of friends. I made friends in school whom i could trust. They listened to me bitch about my life, withstand my teasing of them, and still were my friends. I give my thanks to Pei Yun, for being my twinnie, and the only person in the class i could trust with all my heart. I give my thanks to Steph, for well, being my friend. At least, i know i can trust you. I give my gratitude to Michael, Siong Luong, James, Zhen Yang, Wei zhe. Though you teased me incessantly, you were great friends. At times at least. And there is stephanie, melissa, yuen ting, robyn, rittu, shalini. Outside of class, i had only one or two friends whom i really do appreciate. There was danielle, whom i have never met in person, but i know is one rad girl. There is seok imm, the only person from CCAB whom i could trust. Thanks pleasure in that girl. but i should say the highlight of the year was the relationship between me and simin. she showed me the world with new opened eyes. And i cannot tell her how grateful i am, how much i treasure you. And i love you. Truly. i should make some new years day resolution:
But resoultions are just words. Justin ranted at 1:44:00 pm on the |