My feelings and everything.life has this tendency to become bad once you are pleased with what you have. perfection has this tendency to become imperfect all of a sudden. Its like a good thing has every possibility to turn bad, but a bad thing has only a silm possiblity of turning into something good.i have given up being angry with everything. I have given up being so whiny, complaining about everything, screaming at people, trying to get them to understand. Anger leads to more anger, depression and shit like that. So i shall be frank with everybody, who opposes me, who supports me through everything, who just hates me, and the one who i would never leave. It breaks my heart to see her walk about from me: People who opposes me: I know of a few people who disapprove of my relationship, because it is one between a christian and an atheist. I know alot people will disapprove of it. Even my mum tells me to not get a christian girlfriend. But i have one. So what do you guys want me to do? Break off just because we are different religiously, and lose a beautiful romance? People who are my [ex]rivals: Now tell me. I know you are depressed, down, angry at me..whatever reasons possible. And you would think i am happy with everything, and would never get depressed again. Or whatever else you think. But at least give me some respect. Dont go asking questions that you already know the answer. Just dont go be, as my friend would put it, a self-centered bastard. Dont just think about your feelings. Think about hers. I dont care if you want to think about mine. But i just beg you, think about what you would feel. My parents: I love you all. Yes, i am being serious. But you are making it hard for me. i know you hate me for having a relationship even when i am so young, even when i promise you not to, even when i am not able to financially support myself, even when i am not very..mobile. But i find it unreasonable to ask me to just break off with her and be friends. Good friends. Best friends. Whatever boils your bubble. And i find it unreasonable that you dont trust me. I told you i could handle it. Yet you think i am too young, studies come first. And that we should all be empty creatures with no room for loving. You want me to give up a beautiful romance, a relationship that is so sacred, just like that? Can you even comprehend the trauma that would consume me if you do that to me? Can you even imagine the amount of time that would be spend just recovering from this blow? Can you even think about how it would affect my everything? And is Academic the only thing to you? What about love? You are parents, married for life. And you would know that love is blind, Love is consummate, Love is Love. You cannot stop it from happening. You would only hurt yourself if you dont embrace it. But you all dont fucking understand. I have given up being angry with you. I dont even know how to tell you all all this shit..but you wouldnt listen. Its just plain "american" crap to you, western behaviour. We are after conservative chinese after all arent we? My dear mom and dad, for once in your life, wake up to your son's desires. Life is not about studying. Its about being happy. I know my future depends on my academic. But so does my emotions. You want me to be a fucking anti-social kid? If you do, fuck you. But if you dont, why do you act as if you want me to? What do you want from me?? People who support me, and who advises me: I tell you one word. Thanks. Even that word is not enough to fully tell you how grateful i am to know that you are there to guide me through the darkness. My gratitude is infinite to everyone who helped me in little ways possible, especially, Pei yun, my dear twinnie, Danielle, who is of course, as everyone knows, da shit to talk to, Seok Imm, who is crazy but a good listener. I hope, and others. I cannot thank you all enough. Even if i could buy an island shaped in the form of your name, as a experssion of gratitude, it would never be enough. Nothing is enough to thank you all. And for that i appreicate you. Thank you. And to her: You know how i feel. We have been through much. And as you know, our parents opposes everything. I wish you were here with me. It was a nice feeling to see you this morning when you woke up, a nice feeling when we could eat our meals together in a cosy home, a nice feeling when we did our homework together without any disturbances. And my room suddenly feels empty. But my heart is still full from your concern and love. I wouldnt forget you. parents could stop us for a while, there would be criticism, but we would try harder and pull through. For i will follow you anywhere you go. If humanely possible of course. Haha. I would be in K.L for the next five days. Today was the best day yet. But the seperation was terrible. I cannot count the numbers of tears that fell. all i could do now i count the number of hours before i can see her again. My parents are still unwilling....sigh, i dont know what to do about them.. Justin ranted at 9:05:00 pm on the |