there are broken kids down the block

and i cant help but wonder who is their inspiration in their darkness and sorrow...

Its been a while since i last blog. the past few weeks were one of the most wonderous weeks in my life. As each day walks past me, the light that signifies my relationship grows ever so bright, o how wonderous it shines at our faces, a glow that never burns out.

Highlights of the weeks. I can only remember a few though:
  • The interview with Danielle about Depression:
I in all honesty never expected to be interviewed about depression. I had my bouts of it, but it wasnt at all that serious. And it was my first chance to talk to Danielle in real time, not some gimmick on the net. Turns out, she is pretty much as rad as her internet persona depicts. One of the best phone calls i have ever made, and i am kinda glad that it all turned out fine. she got an A+! You go girl!
  • The day out with simin at Orchard!
i shiver, i cringe with nervousness at the thought of spending the whole day with simin. I even bought flowers for her, stargazers, lovely ones that i handpicked. My dad was helping me choose, but he doesnt even KNOW anything about flowers, considering the fact that he never gave my mum any before. In the end, i got the stargazers, and headed to simin's home, only to find her angry with me cause i was late. Sigh..i didnt mean to be late. I wanted to get there in time, but i had to spend time choosing the flowers.

But in the end, we went off to orchard, happily hand in hand. The whole trip, we just talked and whispered into each other's ears as we held each other in the bus, the mrt. It was so sensual, so wonderous, that feeling immortalised in my memories forever. We went to far east to shop. We ate ice cream, and she went shopping for clothes. I remember that she bought a toy puppy for me, whom we called cupcakes. it was so sweet. And the puppy sleeps beside me everyday. She bought a dress, which she wore when she came to my home. It was perfect for her. As she was perfect for me.

Then we walked around somemore, each of us enjoying each other's company. We met up with Yin Teng and Dep. But in the end, the whole day, we were in each other's company. I even pierced my ear, the wrong right ear. Bought a chain too so that i could wear that pendent she gave me to school everyday.

She was crazy about Qi pao. And she even tried one, which made her look so graceful and elegant. It even accetuated her figure. It looked so pretty. Too bad it cost 69.90. We took neo prints too, and i will always treasure that in my heart, and my mind would think of the wonderful day we had whenever i look at it.

Then we went to Singapore River. It was a pleasant night, each of us just talking to each other as we stared at the beauty of the night view of singapore river at clarke quay. She told me a story of the dog, cat and the mouse couple. Which had a tragedy turned sad ending concocted by her big imaginative brain. It made me fell in love more with her.

Sadly, we had to go home, but it was a day well spend. I would give anything to spend another day such as that with her again. Forever. Again.
  • Simin coming over to my home for a sleepover!
I was nervous, shivering from excitement at seeing my beloved in my own home again. Met her in the morning, and we secretly went to my new home, where my family do not normally stay. Tumbling through time with each other in arms, as the silent wind blows outside, making the door rattle in tune with our rythmn. Slowly gracefully entering a world of man-made passion created by our own version of love, and the meaning of beauty. Then we went swimming, took photos for us to gush about and then took a cab back to city square to eat at Vivo. Luckily we made it there, if not my mum would have been suspicious of our activities.

Finally, she steps into my house, and my world suddenly blows up to include this perfect being in existence. As we did our homework in my room, suddenly everything in my room was made so much more perfect. in her presence, everything is heighten, a sense of peace in tune with the surroundings, as we slowly walk our way in the roads of time. I was being silent in person, but my heart was in a hurry to express everything i wanna say, and have always been wanting to say.

Too bad i couldnt sleep with her in my room, had to sleep in my hot parents rooms. Sigh, at least she came. Went to school together, and i can honestly say, just being alone with her in school, beside her is another perfect moment in itself. I sometimes wished that such moments could be tangible, and be stored in a memory case, to forever immortalised them, and never let them fade away.
  • Me going to Simin's house just before VDAY!
Bubbling with excitement, i couldnt wait to step into simin's home for another sleepover. My first at her home. Such a perfect day, ruin by a bad start to the day because of my parents not wanting to send me so early to her home, resulting in a mild coldness. But the happy moments overshadowed the sad moments. We did intergration, and i just couldnt wait to show her my present, and my all perfect plan.

I wanted her to have the best treatment on VDAY. i never really celebrated VDAY before, and i just really want to treasure that speacial day, where it was the first for both of us. I created the mood especially for that occasion, scented candles lay in a pathway to the present i wanted to give to her. As the warm glow of the room lays the foundation of a romantic ambience, the sounds of soft playing music in the background further accentuates the moment, creating this atmosphere that can never be fully replicate on any other day other than VDAY. I could just feel her anticipation, as i took so long to prepare. But i love that surprised look on her face, and i knew she loved surprises. As she went through the presents i had for her, i couldnt help but feel so loved, and so much love for her. I swear that i will never leave her then. I swear, i vowed, for she is the only one.

Then it was my turn. She arranged the candles into a heart shape, its glow in such perfect harmony with the present that it showcases. A champhange bottle filled with jelly, tediously but lovingly crafted by her own sweet hands. I couldnt have another more meaningful present. Then she gave me a photo album of our photos, complete with words. And a drawing of a book she made, titled the 7 days of valentines. It was all so sweet. I was just awed by her creativity, and how much time she spend making all this. I just felt so so loved.

I can never thank Simin enough for all the care and concern she has showered me.
I was just thinking about the world in general today, and i realise that i havent been doing much of any analysis of it.

I remain silent on my crawl towards the perfect harmony depicted by my own imagination of the world. Strongly, the movement of each pulsating molecule vibrates itself till it reaches a state of optimum that it releases itself and disappears into the void.

There are broken kids down the block, and all the world cares now is not them, its themselves. What is pain to you when you dont feel it? You only see it around you, manifesting in your heart. Then you are hit by the influx of emotions that was always there. You see pain, and slowly, you feel their pain, you sympathise with them, and you want to realise the pain they feel.

I know a few people with pain in their lives, severe repurcussions from their somewhat broken past, or their own silent depressive brain. Like a man slowly walking on the street, his life slowly losing its shine as time run past him, the people with pain slowly drown in their own pool of sorrow, unless they start to appreciate the better things in life around them. I want them to see the better things in life. Pain is temporal, evil in its own right, just to blind you from the truth that it covers, that life is worth so much more than this numbness you have. You might have some unfortunate disadvantage, but life is unfair, and you must learn to put it aside, and concentrate on people whom care about you, and you care about. Then only perhaps you can put the pain aside, and live life right.

Of the music that plays from my speaker, turning my brain into a disco dance floor, as the signals of pleasures burns the last remainding cells of my own consiousness. Of going down into the Earth, digging through tons of muck just to achieve a single dream of getting down and dirty. Of singing along to electronica, becoming a robot just for the sake of music. Of bouncing bass in my ears, as the chemical brothers breathe loud bounce to my ears. Of just watching children walk past me, and wishing i was that age again. Of you being a catalyst for my own maturity, a vessel where your emotions shape the person i become today.

You might think that you life is crap today. But some where in your life, life has been good. Appreciate that it has been, and live it right again.

Justin ranted at 7:58:00 am on the
16 February 2005
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