I guess...There are many things in this world that i have doubts about, that i do not understand, yet the curiosity inside of me wants to know them. It wants to dwell into their psyche, and deeply feel through every single niche that is driving me into a very deep frustration. There are things i want to know about, that i want to discover about. I am dying to know about things, everything! Every single piece of unknown knowledge is lust after by this brain of mine, to analyse, to think, to compile, infused, assimilate into my mind. And then taken again to create new knowledge. Its a never ending cycle, which is never satiated. And we know it. We can never satiate it. Yet we want to.Are we actually so blind to our own futility sometimes? Are we actually such helpless creatures who do not know when to stop? Are we? And we live by all this...concepts! Hope. Fate. Destiny. All this concepts, created by ancient man, who have no idea how this world is ran! And it is stuck with us, evolved into us. fused with us, like symbioties. Alone in this world, we came to being as the only inteligent sentient species. Alone, we came into this world with no understanding of what we are doing. Only with this chase for new knowledge did we come to know what we are, who we are, what we are capable of. Yet. Yet. With this chase of new knowledge, comes a competition of more attractive knowledge. Things that may not be true, but it soothes our hearts. Things that arent real, but it makes us think and makes us hope. With this new chase of knowledge, comes the birth of abstraction, and it makes what we are today. I guess many things. I guess how long it will take for the comfirmation letters to come to me. Its taking so freaking long, and its bloody boring the heck out of me. I guess what other people are thinking about me, what their actions means. Does it meant the world, or is it just my imagination? I guess the attitude people have towards me. Are they faking it, like the many people they have con before? Or are they really serious about me? Like that interview with the communication studies people. You could see, no. i could see that they were very interested in what i want to say, and it makes me happy to see that i could talk to them about everything. It was the first time i could talk about what i wrote in my blog, openly. To people who understood! And they didnt bring me down, not even when i talked about too radical, too liberal stuff. No, they just laughed it away. Are they faking it? Old timers? Or is it real? I am just ranting. I am frustrated with the way my life is turning out now. I am frustrated with the way everything is happening. Its empty, and its hollow. I want to be like another person, yet i am too lazy, i cant find the motivation. I just want to improve myself, but its hard, just hard. I have no money, my parents dont understand. Nobody understands. I am just another lonely boy in this world. Nobody knows how sad i feel inside. Sometimes, i look at the words that i wrote. Its written sometimes out of anger, out of hate, emotions that will change the opinions of me. Make it biased, change the context. Its all in the details, yet i dont do details. I do massive fast typing. I do massive quick wit out of my head, and it is sometimes too overwhelming for me to even comprehend what i am writing about. But i do know that somehow, it is making me feel better, that i am throwing out my soul, releasing the frustrations i have in me. The tears in my heart can never be seen, and the tears from my eyes will only evaporate sooner or later. I guess life is just like that. Je na sa qiol. (or however it is spelt, which translate to life's like that. If i do not remember wrongly) Its what you do with it now that matters. Your past is how you want to deal with it. You want to remember the painful details? You want to focus on rivalry? You want to be jealous, and yet you dont want to do anything? OR are you gonna start to do something about your life right now? I guess that is something i need to think about. Its getting me down, everything, all the time i have wasted doing nothing, while other people are out there doing something meaningful for themselves, doing something worthwhile. I am just sad. That's all. I guess. Justin ranted at 1:07:00 am on the |