Insidiously eating me upThis is the open heart of a soul that has been torn apart, the seperatist of society merged inside his psyche. The worst of both worlds mixed like the swirls of a strawberry lollipop, in the middle ends either the red or the white, slowing dissolving into a singularity that just disappears in the horizon.Music and writing is my sole solace. Forgive me for my unhindered bluntness, and the ways the words formed on this empty white space that slowly fills with letters that form meanings when you breathe in to read. Forgive me for my uninhibited nature of speed writing, the fingers burning in the aspalt of the keys that are midnight black. Like the crows swimming in the dark back into their empty homes. Like fishes flying in the midst of muck, silent bubbles floating into the dark matter that stretch from the ends of my finger to the next. Like insects creaking in the dark, their voices heard only by the young who cannot sleep at night, their hands outstretch for the fun and the joy that comes from childhood. This is the antithesis of my feelings, contradictions abound in the crevices of my mind. Believe in the paradox that i come up with, and the world will start to become another upside down universes where right is wrong and everything else is imperatively useless. I can write the magic of the sky, the breath-taking gradeur of it. But the magic of the sky is another illusion that we are put off by the endorphines in our body. There is a sliver lining in every cloud, but its just another saying of optimism when your luck ran out.Withered deep emotions, take me high. To the flyest place ever, and let me fall down just to let this emotion ran away, slither into the cracks of the dried tar and form miles of meaningless words that just talk about nothing. Somehow, if you think about it, the mind is not at all powerful. With the right mixture of hormones, the right mixture of atmosphere, and sensory release, you can be fooled into something you hate, you can be tricked into hating some you love. With the right mixture of chemicals, words will have two meanings. Happiness will mean joy and laughter when you are happy, but when you are down, it just another meaningless elusive that you cannot attain, at least temporarily. I guess our body is indeed somewhat king in this department. And of course, the environment. We never seem to be able to control much. Yes, we can tell ourselves to buck up, to believe. It will work, but sometimes, just sometimes, i just want to just breathe in this scent of despair and slowly work myself up again. And i just want to release it through my solace, so that i will feel better. Its wonders how external agents can ease your heart, and calm your soul. Its amazing how influence can do to your head. Listen to depressingly boring music, and you will start to droop. Listen to honest upbeat music, and you cant help but dance and be happy. But there are just times when you want to wallow in whatever you are feeling. Its times like this which i hate the most. But i guess, dang, shit happens. I wonder what the communication studies people will say when they read about such depressing stuff. I guess nobody should be reading this kind of thing. I should be taking this down as soon as possible, as soon as i can climb out of this abyss and fly towards the dark sun. Sing, little angels in the dreams that nobody seem to care. Sing a song that they can never hear, their ears deaf like snails crawling on the slit poles. Sing a song that they can never see, bats in the hypersonic environment of another dimensions. Sing a song that they will never imagine, so that somehow, i can run again, through all this impossibility and sing this song together with you. Justin ranted at 11:34:00 pm on the |