The silence takes me aliveTrust you to break it into the different levels of hurt that would continously haunt me for the rest of the night, breathing intermittedly destructive voices into the never ending cycle of this life. Maybe it isnt something that you wanted to do, but it was done, and to be the cause, and the effect of it has made the silence somewhat a manipulative being, treating me like a ragdoll and destroying me like a voodoo puppet.Please, take your emotive languages somewhere where nobody could see, take them far away from me, for i cannot take the lack of depth that is contained within this little psyche of yours. The chemical romance blows in my ears, as the beats slowly integrate with the bass into a cacophony that eases only the Devil's soul. I am the devil, and i take this knife of mine and pierce it through this suddenly hard rock heart of mine. It is nights like this that the words come aloof, their meanings like a jubbled jigsaw puzzle, nothing understandable at the first glance. Its like a continous typewriter used by monkeys who are trained just to press the keys at random, and this is the work of a unclaimed monkey, one who writes nothing but meaningless glorious words, but breaks them down into their contiounity, and their entity. As apt as the title suggest, there is absolutely no sound to be heard when i scream in my entries, as the words become morbidly darker, and destroys nothing but your own brain cells. Push that thought away, and breathe in the polluted air that i produce, the silence tend to make me a frankestein, taking me into the laboratory and making me alive once more. But she controls me, and never makes me fully alive. Yes, i can laugh when she pushes the switch, but i can cry too when she pushes nothing. My life is entirely in her hands, and i feel such deprivity that i just dont want to sleep. All i want to do is write, and write to chase this feeling away and hopefully see the tears flood this screen. As the slowly dripping oil falls into their irrespective places, wings appeared from my mind, and took their leave, leaving nothing but this broken soul to continously write and type meaningless values. There is no way you will ever understand what i have written. Nor will i ever comprehend what i have done. But i have wrote and done what i have never wanted to do, and i have not done what i hoped to be able to be done. A complex algorithim in this crazy silence that breaks me down every single moment. Kill, she whispers, and i listen to her, stabbing myself continously at the things that hurt most. Maybe you are able to catch the glimse of the turbulent and complex psyche that i possess right now, but i dont give a damn. Seriously, it doesnt matter anymore. i sometimes see no purpose, and i just live the life i never wanted. I just want to study, i just want things to go my way, i just want this, i want that. But i can never have them. Never never never. Silence fucked me and left me to wallow in my own self pity. Congratulations, she told me, her lips dripping with my tears, congratulations as you dwell deeper into your own terror. The terror that you created yourself in this void that seemed to never be filled no matter what you tried. A slow zephyr blew by, and she left. Silence took me alive, and left me dead. Left me dead and alive again. Justin ranted at 2:12:00 am on the |