So it begins.The start of the times. The end month of the holidays. The camps starts to come full circle, and we officially become known as the year 2. Funny how time passes by all of us, funny how we all have different experiences. Funny how we lose contact with people we cared about, but never really gotten the chance to say. Funny how suddenly, we are edging closer to that 2 infront of your age. I doubt it will really hit me until i see suddenly that i am 20 years old. Suddenly, i need to be an adult, behave responsibly, family life suddenly seems so near, marriage. Work, bills, more bills. Suddenly we are going into the unknown, and it makes me feel funny, that its like i have a live a pretty fun world, just to get into a bleak unknown.As anniversaries happen, i come to remember a anniversary that i wont forget, but suffice to say it is somewhat painful, yet numbingly painless to remember. Its the past and let's all keep a moment silence about it. Another anniversary of something that i was very happy about. It was what i hoped was a beginning but nothing ever comes out of that murky possibilities. So it remained a what if, even more so as time crawl, no, speed past all of us. I am talking about going overseas for studies, graduating, working. Seeing my seniors working already, not in school having fun. Watching my sibilings reading the same thing that i had studied, and watched them grow up too. It is crazy, it is very very surreal just to think about it, and even more to see how some people would have everything planned out. Me, i am not even sure what i am going to do about my future. Am i going to some media industry? Appear in the news? Or what if i did something illegal, and landed in jail. It is scary thought, that my path seems to be as i build it, yet there is something mysterious about how fate somehow carries out your destinies. Am i supposed to meet somebody today, but i forgotten, and past by that opportunity. I used to believe in coincidences meant something, used to believe that too many of the same coincidences would meant something more, but as i grow to drift apart, i realised that something, everything just boils down to chance. Yes, there are many factors involved, but i am just tired to think about it. I remember somewhere that i should be classified under the intellectual whore, the nice guy who writes intellectual stuff but never really gets anything done. Fuck, so what if i write the intellectual stuff. I grew up alot already, i realised. People might think that i am the old me still, but that person has been gone. Now it is somebody who is slowly realising that he should be doing something, accomplishing something, and starting to take the initiative. Now it is somebody who is starting to have more fun than he did, and finding new friends who he believed should last him his lifetime. But it is still somebody who is lazy. My friends tell me that i can do better in my exams, and i believe them. But i am just so fucking lazy sometimes. I must look at something successful to be motivated, yet at the same time i will withdraw. Had cheerleading today, the start of a new era. But there wasnt that many people, so it was kinda well..neutral i guess. Went for a GIP talk today, and realised that i so want to go overseas to meet new cultures, learn more about the world. I want to know so many things, yet education doesnt give them to me. But i can always go and learn it myself, yet you know, i am so fucking lazy. That is such a weakness you know? A bane. The worst weakness to have. Laziness burns everything. You might have everything, but once it is inflicted with laziness, say goodbye to everything. fuck, i should do something On another note, straylight runs new album isnt that, especially the starting few songs. After that it just burns and die in a monotonous pulsating non-beat. Justin ranted at 1:08:00 am on the |