Just WhackAs the looming exams approaches, one must wonder really how important does studying really mean to oneself. Considering the lack of motivation that comes with the nearing of the exam, the constant laziness, and the utter indifference to failure, one must really start wondering whether one has just gotten so bored of studying, or is just so plain lazy.I vote for the latter. It is blatantly obvious that i have been too lazy, not taking the initiative to do anything. Always delaying. As they say, ignoring something doesnt mean that it will go away, and be right again. You must take charge, and that's what i havent exactly been doing, taking charge. I have been procrastinating, putting things aside, things that might make me feel uncomfortable doing, but nonetheless is essential to what i have to do. It is that lack of initiative, the fear of the new that makes me want to drop all my responsibilities and just hide from the world. I fear apprehension, i fear negativity, i fear the fear of having to face up to my own mistakes, my own wrongdoings. I fear myself in fact, and the very being of my character is fear, fear of trying to do something. It makes me kinda sad that i have been doing this for my whole life, and that sometimes, i have my friends that cover for me, thus giving me the illusion that it is actually okay, it is actually fine, that what i have been doing is normal, and that i will be moving on again. I am afraid that it isnt that way. I remember how i failed to prepare for my 106 presentation properly, and i was probably very lazy, and very last minute in preparing the work that i was surpposed to do, waiting till the last moment to complete the thing. I remember how i would do the 107 assignment only the day before, cursing myself for not trying earlier. I remember my essays being late, only done the day before. Everything was done the day before. Why can't i finish the work that i was supposed to finish before hand? Why do i tend to leave things to the last minute. Like my assignment for my elective. It is still left hanging, after i had a whole day to finish it. Why? I have to question the essence of my being to answer the question, and it is just very obvious that i have been too lazy, that i will never, at this point of my life attain anything substantial in my life. My determination is at an all time low, my confidence down, everything seems to be doing downhill. The fact is that i really have to change, and that nothing means more to me than slowly changing who i have become, who i really am. Maybe i have been spoonfed too much when i was young, hiding under the wings of my parents, and never really spreading it out. How can i attain the person whom i want to become, someone who takes charge of his work, who ensures that he is on time, who really focuses on being a better person, who motivates himself constantly, who can be looked up by people. Who really wants to change? This has to end, and all this has to end. Time to take charge, and become who i really want to be. Just whack. Justin ranted at 12:31:00 am on the |