Two sides and moreIt is quite interesting to observe one's behaviour around people. After thinking about it, i realised that i came to a somewhat strange conclusion, disturbing to think about about, but very true i supposed.It is during this kind of late nights that thoughts suddenly bombard me, and all i think about is the happenings around me, my interactions with people, and the behaviour i have around them. Probably, there are plenty of sides to my character, but i have identified many different aspects of them. One of the first aspect that people usually see about me is how i usually tend to laugh quite a bit. I would say, this often happens around people that i am not that close with. Laughter is usually the best ice breaker as they say, and usually, my jokes, if you can call them that, are somewhat insults. Ultimately, i usually do try and be happy around people that i am not close with. Usually people can get my sense of humor, for the lack of a better description, but some people might not, and this is where the next aspect comes in. I become somewhat the silent listener, listening, and usually looking very quiet, without having anything to say, or that even the things i say sort of breezes past people. Interestingly, this happens quite often, and i have no idea why, but it just happens. Try as i might to rectify this, it just doesnt happen. I need perhaps to think about that abit more. Then there is the side that people who i know very well will see, the side that sort of grumpy, mixed with laughter and all. The kind that i sorta of say everything that i see, make snide comments about everything, being a total bitch and can still laugh about it. Rarely will i become like that, usually the snide comments are all hidden behind my laughter, maybe for fear that people will think bad of me when they come out. But over time, they will. Another aspect is the low confidence in my own opinions sometimes. Perhaps this happened when i was very young, always being shot down about my own ability, thus i dont very much have confidence in myself. It is true that people with huge ego, or seemingly huge ones are the most insecure, and truthfully, i am quite the insecure person. Till this day, maybe i do get shot down by people, and my opinions sometimes go unappreciated, but well, i sort of gotten used to this. But it must change. It cannot go on like that. Sadly, there is still many things that will require me to improve, and it will take time. But as i get more confidence in my own ability, and search for the right combination, the effort put in will finally be realised. Hopefully. Justin ranted at 2:55:00 am on the |