slowly sinking intomaybe its the music that is playing in the background. maybe its the slowly piling amount of stress that i am putting on myself. maybe its the thoughts that run in circles like subways without breaks. maybe its the killing of my heart. maybe its the impending doom that crawls towards me. maybe its the lack of intensity in my words now. maybe its the slowly lowering of my standards to something i hate. maybe its the time that likes to play catch with me. maybe its the voices that tell me things that destroy my self-esteem. maybe its me making a mountain out of a molehill. maybe its not just that, but more that the reality hurts quite badly. maybe its the depressing state that slowly drives me insane. maybe its looking pretty much bright behind me, but when i look back, it turns dark again. maybe they are trying to mock me. maybe i am mocking myself. maybe i am going slightly mad. maybe i am already mad. maybe its the music. probably is the music. when you play an emo album, full of emotions on repeat, regardless of whether it is excellent and perfect, you will subconsciously die inside. maybe its just psychological. maybe i just dont want to move from my spot and try to take action. maybe i am overthinking. maybe i am underthinking. maybe its all in my head, but my heart tells me otherwise. maybe this is one of the worse things that could ever happen to me. maybe i am kidding myself when i say that everything is going to be fine. maybe the old man on the street could let me stand beside him, and we could shout the world is ending. Maybe cause my world really seems to be ending. the horizon breaks into a piece of the jigsaw puzzle that doesnt fit in anybody's else world. maybe i should just get rid of the perfectionist state and try to do something mediocre and not ask for too much. maybe nobody will read this. maybe they will, but i still wouldnt know. maybe they will understand, maybe they wont.maybe somehow, the puzzle of my life will be solved, but piecing it back together again. but only when it is broken again. Like the rubik's cube that breaks and forms back perfectly again, my world will come crashing down, and come out anew. with hope with hope i hope. maybe i am wrong. probably i am wrong. hopefully i am wrong. Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova make the most excellent of songs. The swell season and Once OST has been on repeat, and ironically, it serves as my one solace, and my one demise. Yet it continues to run, the seconds going back me in a flash. Soon its 12, soon its 1, soon its 2. soon i cry. Justin ranted at 10:43:00 pm on the |