i dont know what the hell this is

i open my mouth to say it loud.
but nothing comes out.

i close my mouth and keep it in.
but it is bursting from the seams.

i allow it to grow, to expand and conquer.
but it retreats, and regressed to a dot.

i block my mind from thinking about it.
but it grows insidious inside me.

i let my actions tell everything.
but they grow awkward, and the message is lost.

i stop believing, and start pretending.
but i grow restless, and everything goes backwards.

i let loose the buckets inside my eyes
but the feeling doesnt go away, not even close.

i keep them in, and break into an uneasy smile
but my facade breaks off with the unrelenting crash of time.

and so i do what any sane people do.

i go insane.