You know what?fuck it.the reality of this world is that we are constantly deluding ourselves. We tell ourselves things that are subjective to our own observations. We often tell our depressing thoughts to shut the hell up, and please let us get on with our real lives. We will lie to our truths, the facts that are arranging plainly infront of us. We will say "So what? It's her loss." and try to lead our lives as happy normal human beings. there is a term called depressive realism, and it affects depressed people around. Interestingly, depressed people tend to have a more accurate depiction of themselves, compare to the rest of us out there. The rest of us lie to ourselves, to others, to the whole world, and never tell a single strand of truth. of course, this is as cynical as it can get, but it probably is the plain and hard cruel truth. If you have never told yourself that you are more than what you are right now, congratulations, you probably arent human. with a single stone, we dont kill two birds. We held on to them, and suddenly, we let them go, and finally, we are back on our feet, back on square one, back where we started, and back to the depressive reality that we have. tonight i just want to scream, and scream and scream. My insides feel like they have been rearranged, and torn into pieces, and my whole world seemed upside down. The only solace is the music thumping into my head, louder and louder as i try to shut out the pain growing inside. i can always scream, fuck it, i dont care anymore. But deep down, i still do. and it kinda sucks. chinese new year is upon us. Finally a breather to take all this crap out of my mind and start to focus on things that really matter for once, like......i have no fucking idea. Justin ranted at 1:45:00 am on the |