And so we try the umpteen time

I once tried to write a letter to confess.
But i got scared of the
ramifications.
So i thought,
why don't we self-censor, and
not include words, personal details
that might link to
a certain someone?

When i finished writing,
i realised that the paper was
blank.

I once trusted my gut feelings.
But my heart persisted, and
refused to give up hope.
So i thought,
why not we change the
topic to a hypothetical
situation, joke about the
absolute truth.

While doing all that,
I realised that she will never take me
seriously.
ever again.

I once gave in to my heart.
The longing crying out for
someone to love.
So i thought,
let's give this one
chance, let it blossom into
a million rainbows that
will make even the hardest man
cry.

In the course of lying,
I realised that
I am deserving
of hell.

I once pretended that i believed it.
It will help the relationship,
it will mend the cracks
and it will make everything
well again.

In believing,
I realised that
I am born a
hypocrite.

I once gave in to myself.
To keep quiet, to be
alone, to enjoy the
silence and to just
look out into the sky and sigh:
"What a beautiful day it is."

While appreciating it,
I realised that
i started sobbing
uncontrollably.

I once assumed
that all my observations
were fail proof.
That the world is
like this, without any
randomness, any
unpredictability, any
imperfections.

While feeling smug,
I realised that
i was absolutely
dead
wrong.

I once wanted to do
up a world of stars.
Inspired by a movie,
it motivated me
to do the impossible.

While figuring the shapes
to perfect stars,
I realised that
it was already
gone.

I once said yes
yes, and more yes,
to everything that you said.
In the bid to impress,
in the bid to
spend
just that more time
with you.

While nodding,
I realised that
I have no
soul.

And so i try
Once more
for the umpteen time
to get it right.
for once.

Only then i realised
there isnt
such a thing as
perfection.