BoyHe laid indifferent in the darkness as he stare into the empty ceiling. For once, he wished he had glow in the dark stars. At least he will be kept company in their disappearing light, watching as they slowly fade into the night, as he falls into an uneasy sleep. Their unconditional status will protect him from the nightmare that he dreads in his dreams.He looked at the time, and wondered how he will be able to wake up the next day. Work yet again, a relentless monster that engulf the entity that is time. In a flash, his week will be over, and the sense of emptiness will again fill his already empty heart. Hollow, he once hit it like a bell, and it rang a sorrowful mellow cry. He rethinks his steps, retrace the methods, and rethought his considerations. A mischievous child that took away the missing piece, and happily threw it away into the abyss. Everything comes to a dead wall, and try as he might, it never breaks, it never ends. A labyrinth of endless beginnings. The boy started to cry, his tears slowly disappearing under the bed sheets. He looked at them, in the static of the night, and watched as it grew a deeper black. They look like ripples on the cloth, he thought, and in the end they disappear near the end of the spectrum. A bird cooed outside, triggering songs that he dont want to hear, lyrics that he didnt want to understand, and actions that he just cant comprehend. As he drowned in the silence, his sobbing took on a life of its own, the irregularity and unpredictability threatening to destroy any remnant of sleep that he will have. The morning after will be brighter, yet dimmer. The morning after will be sunnier, but gloomier. The morning after will tell me that i can be happy, yet i will only feel the tightness clutching my heartstrings. The morning after willl give me a breath of fresh air, only to end in the staleness of the night wind. The morning after will comfort me, only to take it all away once i feel any inkling of hope. He thought. Maybe he could write a love letter to no one, or he could sing a song that will charm the hearts of no one. How about a story that would soften the feelings of no one? What about a dance, to sweep the feet off no one? A torrential rain was pouring in his mind. How he wished he could take everything out, and throw it all away, the observations, the thoughts, the methods, the considerations, everything. Everything should be far removed from his desires, his actions, his behaviour, and let nothing influence his thoughts anymore. So what if he sees everything, understand the way things work, how things should be, what things are, and how everything is linked together? So what if he can tell you his feelings, sing to you his emotions, dance with you in tune to his heart rhythm? He has too many cares in the world, and none of them tells him the answers that he seeks. He thinks so much, yet the answer always eludes him, evades him, like the different loves in his life. They slipped away like oil against water, never mixing, never dissolving and merging with each other. The facade is slowly breaking down. His composure is losing its cool, and the insecurities are growing at an exponential rate. He snapped himself out of it countless of times before. Why cant he do it today? Why cant he do it tonight? Why cant he do it tommorow? Or the day after? He wants to rage. He wants someone to blame, the world, his parents, his genes, his friends. Anybody. Anybody to take the blame away from himself, from his thoughts, from his assumptions, from his character, from his personality, from his everything. He should be in a coma, so nothing will be thought anymore. He will dream, but he will not remember nothing of it. That would be fucking fantastic. And no, he is not fine. Not in a long while perhaps. Justin ranted at 8:20:00 pm on the |