The slience of the nightI cannot come up with titles.Or at least succinct ones. The ones that I come up with are grandiose, cheesy or worse, lame. But that's not the point of this post. Every single weekend, I watch time pass by very fast. I tell myself that I have alot of things to do, that I need to do this and that, but sometimes it never gets done. I kill myself because of it, yet it still doesn't get done. But tonight, tonight I take a walk to my past. The silence of the night helps me think back, and let me remember moments where I have laughed, smiled, frowned or cried at. The peacefulness of the house allowed me to reminisce on the memories where I treasure, wished I never had, or regret. The calm of the hour made me nostalgia of the events that made me who I am. I am not a perfect person. I know my shortcomings, and it seems to be revealing itself more with each day. Which I fear will make people think twice about who I really am. That is my biggest shortcoming of all. The lack of confidence, the disability to believe that I can do things if I set myself out to do it, and the self esteem that shatters easily. Sometimes, i try. I really do, but it all fall into pieces around me, and I get tired of picking it up after myself. sometimes, i dont try, and my guilt eats up at me, which makes me escape even more into my own bubble. It's a very viscious cycle. But I am quite proud of one thing that I have been managing to at least be somewhat consistent. I told myself that I shant be a skinny boy no more. So I set out to make myself better. And it is working. At the expense of some financial monies, but it is worth it. To know that I am doing something to make myself better, even if it is physical, the confidence is building in me. Which is nice. 3KG of muscles gained. Please ladies and gentleman, take note that I might look 60kg (especially after gyming since I lose my fats) but I am actually 70kg. it is quite taxing on my expenses sometimes also. But I think that if I keep it up, I can finally cross something off my to-do list in life. Life throws you surprises sometimes. And it is up to us to take it or leave it. For me, I take it. Always. Justin ranted at 2:18:00 am on the |